My Life vs. A Plague
No matter how far you climb, rock bottom remains the same. *sigh*
No matter how far you climb, rock bottom remains the same. *sigh*
Well, this has certainly been a wild hellscape of a semi-decade.
I’ve attempted multiple times to write a retrospect of everything that’s happened in my life since a plague reached our shores at the end of 2019.
This, unsurprisingly, proved to be as daunting a task as it sounds.
Therefore, for yours and simplicity’s sake, here’s a recap of my life in the last five and a half years, but *in bullet points* for easier skimming of…. major life events:
Here we go!
In the last 5 years:
Professionally, I’ve:
been hired for and then downsized from a total of two “dream jobs,” where I’d hoped to spend the majority of my career and future
fallen back into work that’s at a lower management level than the roles I held straight out of college (a dozen years ago)
changed my career goal from “making art that gives people hope in being alive” to “income”; with a reach goal of “stability”
Financially, I
went from having solid health insurance from my jobs with a 401k and a future, to being on Food Stamps, in the “catastrophic care” classification of Medicaid, and in deep debt after liquidating all of my savings and 401k just to make rent each month
Domestically, I’ve:
somehow managed to stay in the same home the entire time (yay??), but also
gone through three rounds of Housing Court…and must vacate my home by the end of the year - and have no idea where or how to go
survived a major wasp infestation in my tiny studio apartment, resulting in three nests accessing my room at their will. In the span of just one month, there were approximately 500 unwelcomed “angry buzzes” that joined me in my humble abode…..
Physically, I’ve:
been hospitalized only three times (actually pretty solid)
had three major surgeries
also been poked and probed for countless other medical tests, but those get overshadowed by major surgeries
lost an organ to necrosis (and *cough* medical neglect)
gone from able-bodied-passing to full-time use of a cane
deepened my disdain for stairs
crash-landed into “deep remission” for my Crohn’s; and also
started a quest to persuade my intestines that food does not require going into a state of fight/flight/freeze – because my body chooses “fight,” attacking the food and me, thus creating the association of food=pain, which brings us back to the quest
MIRACULOUSLY found a dream of a Crohn’s doctor, in whom I’d trust my life…and, actually, do so quite literally
Personally, I’ve
given up?
found the closest thing I’ve ever had to family, and concurrently fell in love with a seemingly lifetime partner, and then
lost both, to emotional Irish Exits as I was hospitalized
reevaluated what I want and what is practical, and
discovered so much benevolence and unconditional kindness from those who have chosen to stick around, and for whom I am immensely grateful
Artistically, I’ve
not given up!
started writing my memoir in earnest (after many false starts through the years)
paused writing a memoir about “hard times” while experiencing current “hard times”
created a community of quirky, sincere, usually immunocompromised and/or LGBTQIA+, while in front of a camera
still longed to be on a TV set (in front of a camera) and haven’t lost that yearning
discovered more outlets for creativity in the meantime, including reconnecting with crochet, finding a zenful ease in macrame, testing my skills and knowledge in digital art, and I think caring for plants could fall under art, too.
In sum, it’s been quite the rollercoaster.
Most urgently, I need to figure out a place to live, how to physically get me and my stuff there, and find a living income.
I want to write weekly updates on how this is progressing (hopefully) each week.
Thus far, I’ve placed eggs in many baskets, hoping that one might work out. I am looking at corporate jobs that allow me to sit and thrive; being admitted to a grad school that includes housing; finding a Victorian benefactor to support my artistic ambitions; and hustle work.
I’ve been pretty impaired after pushing myself too hard physically, so I’m trying to find the balance between doing as much as I need to and doing as much as I can.
It’s a lot, but I’m still trying.
x,
Sage